I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
