I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
