When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
