i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
