He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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