There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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