yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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