Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
