Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
