so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ladies don't puke and tell
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
