Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize