He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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