dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
