im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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