I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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