she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
