Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
