I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
