The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
