I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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