he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
