It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
