i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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