oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
