somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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