he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
