Can Purell be used as lube?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just puked most of my soul out..
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