What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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