So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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