he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
