I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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