we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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