whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
