No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
