I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
