Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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