It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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