I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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