Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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