my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dick very happy bro
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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