Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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