how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They took my balls.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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