I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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