This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
