he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
