I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
