it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
