Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
