On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
