I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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