glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
