I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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