i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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