You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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