please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
