Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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