your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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