I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
