I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize