I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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