Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
