doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I am puke
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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