In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
