I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
