I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
