Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
