No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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