You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
