Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
