'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
