You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
